I couldn’t look at her. I was scared to even go near her. My body trembled with the anger I felt at how my friend dared treat my children. Hurting me was one thing but to hurt my children was a whole other story.

The ancient words from Jesus’ most famous prayer came to mind: ‘Forgive us AS we forgive those who sin against us.’. So, I would be forgiven in the same way that I extend forgiveness to others? (scary thought). Another saying from the Bible popped into my head: ‘Forgive seventy times seven.’ What does that mean? In antiquity, the number seven symbolized perfection, eternity, forever. So, I’m called to forgive always? That is impossible…isn’t it?

Now, I had permission to NOT hold onto any anger in my heart, mind and body. However, as a Christian, I had made the decision to follow Jesus, and that meant ALL his teachings, even if they were hard. So, even without understanding fully, I made the choice, to let go and forgive this friend for hurting my children. After this, it somehow became easier to talk and walk through the incident with this friend—to come to a better understanding of what had happened, but to also help her see that what she’d done had caused pain. Now, I had permission to NOT hold onto any anger in my heart, mind and body.

In a separate experience, I felt the injustice of being shut down, not allowed to talk when wanting to resolve a difficulty. This was harder to deal with than someone shouting and screaming in my face. There was no outlet for reconciliation, no avenue for communication, no space to air the issue and come to an understanding or a compromise… nothing.

I learned a new word: truncated. Think of a tree losing its trunk. I felt as if I had lost my purpose and identity, my very core.

Now, other words came to mind: ‘Love your enemies, do good to those who hurt you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who spitefully misuse you.’ (Luke 6:27, 28). Wow! A big ask for sure! But, I realised that these things were nothing that Jesus Himself had not done.

However, it was not so easy to just choose to love, do good, bless and pray for someone who had hurt me. Instead, I asked God to help me to BE ABLE to love this person. I asked him to help me to do good for them. I asked him to help me bless them. I asked him to help me pray for them.

As I resolved to ask for the ability to do these things, I found that I started to relax when thinking of this person. After some time, I eventually was able to feel a greater compassion for them, and even started to want ‘their good’. I had to realise that my anger and my hurt, was not hurting them; it was hurting me.

Moving forward—I learnt not to go into the same endeavours or projects with these people who had hurt me. However, I also learnt that I am not blameless. I am totally flawed too, just like the individuals who had hurt my family and me. What if, unintentionally, or knowingly (a bit harder to admit!), I did hurt them too—and they were struggling with the same feelings toward me?

I hope and pray that they can also be free in mind, heart and body of unforgiveness and have the real freedom that forgiveness brings.